Making it through the day

Weekends are great, Zach naps and mommy naps with him. Weekdays not so good. Mommy needs a nap but can't take one at work (how bad would that be). But Zach gets a nap so he is full of energy when mommy picks him up. This first trimester is really doing a number on me. Hopefully it will better during the second.

This weekend was fun. We went to a birthday party on Saturday and on Sunday stayed at home and filled up Zach's pool. He had a ball, I went to pull out the video camera and found out it was already dead. It is now charging at home. So hopefully we will be able to capture some video this week. I love how Zach motivates me to want to do more. And just think now with a second on the way I should have that much more motivation.

This is from camping the other weekend. It was loads of fun. Looking forward to going at the end of July.

On another note. I know that people drift apart, but why do I feel like crap when it happens. Sometimes you just realize that you don't have much in common with people anymore or that they just don't get you anymore. Maybe its that they really don't care or didn't care in the first place. I guess sometimes I just feel like I tried my best but in the end it didn't end up working out. I just thought that I was a bigger part of their life and come to find out I am barely a part of their life at all.

HTML

Anyone know HTML so that I can make my blog look better. I have no clue how to write it. I guess I just need to get a book and then I should be able to figure it out. Only 5 more days until my first appointment for the baby and I cannot wait.

Hopefully this weekend will fly by (that sounds odd) so that it will get here faster. Zach has a birthday party to go and then we might be going to a baseball game. Sunday will be our day of rest, which actually means, laundry and cleaning, but still I don't think I have to leave the house on Sunday.

Dear Poppet

Please stop making me feel so sick. I know you are just letting me know that you are in there and you don't want me to forget but don't worry I won't forget. I already love you so you don't have to prove your in there.

I guess its a good thing that you like fruits and veggies more than you like sweets but even the smell of lasagna is making me sick so what do I do? What am I allowed to eat? I could afford to lose a few lbs or more but that wasn't my goal during pregnancy.

Love always,
Your mom

Things that make you go

running for the trashcan or the nearest bathroom. So my big news. I am 7 weeks pregnant and this new baby, lets call the baby Poppet (I just like the word), has me feeling sick all morning long. Its so funny how things work out. With Zach I was not sick one day, well that is until after I had him, but thats another story. So I figured this would be the same, guess I was wrong. I know that every pregnancy is different and it has nothing to do with the gender of the baby, but still I am going to hold out some hopes for a little girl. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have another handsome baby boy, then Zach would have a best friend for life. They wouldn't even be three years apart so either they would fight like the dickens or they would be the greatest friends. I can pretty much gaurentee that if I have a little girl that Zach will love her but whos to say that they would be friends. I know my brother and I weren't exactly friends until we became older. I still don't think that my brother and I have hugged to this day. I know he loves me and I love him but thats just our relationship, it works for us. Plus, my brother is, well, my brother, and he has his very own personality.

Our Poppet is due on 3 February, there goes my chances for having an outdoor party. But we are so excited. I can't wait to be a mom again. I love being a mom. Its the best feeling in the world. I also think Zach will be the best big brother. He is so good with babies at daycare. I know there will be hard times but all in all I think he will do well.

Now if I could only get him potty trained and out of diapers by that time. I guess that will be my goal. Have Zach potty trained before Poppet arrives. Any advice would be great.

Although I am super excited about having Poppet I am also scared but I think that is pretty normal. Some people think I should of waited because I haven't had enough time with Zach others think I waited too long. I guess I will not be able to please everyone but I shouldn't have to worry about pleasing everyone anyway. People are allowed their opinions, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them. I think this is the right course for us and that is what matters. I am also hoping to have at least one more child after this (hmm maybe I should let Jesse know).

Not sure how to name this

I do not understand some men. They have a wonderful woman who is willing to put up with all their BS and then have the nerve to treat that same woman like crap.  Or they just don't realize what they had when they had it and then years later try to see if there is anything left. That makes me angry. Appreciate what you have while you have it because if you don't it won't be there when you need it or want it. Thankfully not all women will put up with this.

People need to understand that life is not easy. But life is good. The things that make life great are the things that we have to work for (i.e., relationships) and they are more than worth the fight.

Anyway. I took Zach to the circus last night and he had so much fun. I had three others there to help me keep him in line. Of course he wanted everything and of course I got him what he wanted. I need to learn to say no. But I don't like screaming Zach. I like laughing through snorts Zach. He is a kid that just enjoys everything. He doesn't ever want to sit still and he is fearless (which scares mommy). He rode the ponies last night and wanted to ride the elephants and camel but he still doesn't want to hold on so I can't let him ride the camel by himself. The elephant we ran out of time or else I probably would have gotten on that with him. Both of us missed Daddy though. He ended up having to work and couldn't make it.

I want to take Zach for a weekend trip to the beach soon. He loves the water. Hopefully I can plan something. I love taking Zach places that I know he will love. We took him to the Zoo not long ago and he had a blast. He loves the animals, especially the monkies. I show him the pictures from the zoo and he gets very excited. I came up with a plan to visit all of the Zoos in the United States. But not sure if that is going to work out. I think it would be great to say that we did that. Then Zach can say "hey i have been there with my mom and dad it was fun." There are quite a few zoos in the US though. I think we might just stick to the major zoos. I also want to take him to SeaWorld soon. That is sort of for me as well because I have never been. I want to be able to "suck the marrow of life" to steal someone elses phrase. I want to enjoy and I want to have fun in everything that i do even if its not so fun to begin with. Thank you Zach for making mommy see that life is fun even when the chores don't seem that way.

Ideas

So I am on a healthy lifestyle journey (don't want to call it weight loss because I want to stick with it) and I need food ideas. I want to eat mainly non-processed foods, although some I cannot avoid. If you read my blog send me a message if you have any ideas. I like food so I need variety in my life.

I have also been doing a Jillian Michaels DVD called 30 Day Shred, I am on day 13 and I think I have lost 1lbs but will stick with it and then I want to move onto the Ripped in 30. At least the Ripped in 30 comes with a diet plan.

I need to feel comfortable in my own body again so any ideas would be helpful. Maybe I should try the Biggest Loser Protein that you just add to your water. Maybe this would curve my appetite. I really don't want to take any suppliments or magic pills but I guess protein would be ok.

The worse part is that I don't see how I didn't realize how big I had actually gotten and then other people say, well your not fat. Bullsh*it! I am fat and I need to admit it so that I can lose the weight. I have about 80lbs to lose to get to comfortable/healthy weight. I know its not going to happen overnight but I hope to lose at least 40 by the end of the year. One day I will be brave enought to post pictures of myself but not today.

I think I can do this though. I haven't smoked in over 2 months so losing weight should be easy right? Wish me luck.

What if's

Being a mother has got me thinking about my past and thinking about the things I want for my son in the future. I don't want him to ever feel left out or feel like he doesn't fit in and I want to give him every opportunity to become a good student, a good friend, and an overall well rounded man. So when I think about this I also start to think about the "what ifs."

My husband and I are now happily mattered and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I still think sometimes "what if we had never met, what if the couple times we took a break during our 8-year courtship we decided not to give it another try."Would I be as happy as I am right now, would I be a different, would I live in MD, would I have gone off and gotten my Masters in Marketing Communications in Chicago. I hate thinking about the what ifs but I do. I guess its normal to think that way.

I talked to hubby about this post and he started singing "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her." I guess in a way its the same thing but I am not so much wishing that things were different just trying to figure out how life would be if I had made different choices.

I look at all my friends that I have had throughout my life the ones I still talk to and the ones I don't; and I think "what would of happened if I remained close friends with you or what would have happened if I didn't." I don't so much have regrets in my life but there a couple things I would change if I was given the chance. I would try to keep more of my friends close. I feel like I have pushed them away because I thought I didn't fit in or that I wasn't good enough. If you were to look at my facebook page it may seem that I have a lot of friends but most of them I do not talk to in person although I would love to talk to some of them again. There are people in my life that I miss but don't feel comfortable reaching out to because of fear that maybe they didn't really like me in the first place.

I really miss my friends from Salsibury but not sure if they would want to see me. I know that people grow and move on but I want some of them back as my friends. I think "what if I had never went away to school, what if I had stayed in the county and never was introduced to those wonderful people that helped me through college." Maybe I am just being a sentimental sap but this is what I want.

I want to be able to have a girls night out with my friends or a girls weekend getaway and have old friends meet new friends and have everyone get along.  I have to move on and make new friends and met new people. I do miss all the people that I no longer talk to but am not sure how to get those friendships back.

These are all the thoughts I don't want my son to have when he gets older. I want him to be able to keep all of his friends and cherish them for who they are and who they will become.