Thursday, April 14, 2011

What if's

Being a mother has got me thinking about my past and thinking about the things I want for my son in the future. I don't want him to ever feel left out or feel like he doesn't fit in and I want to give him every opportunity to become a good student, a good friend, and an overall well rounded man. So when I think about this I also start to think about the "what ifs."

My husband and I are now happily mattered and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I still think sometimes "what if we had never met, what if the couple times we took a break during our 8-year courtship we decided not to give it another try."Would I be as happy as I am right now, would I be a different, would I live in MD, would I have gone off and gotten my Masters in Marketing Communications in Chicago. I hate thinking about the what ifs but I do. I guess its normal to think that way.

I talked to hubby about this post and he started singing "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her." I guess in a way its the same thing but I am not so much wishing that things were different just trying to figure out how life would be if I had made different choices.

I look at all my friends that I have had throughout my life the ones I still talk to and the ones I don't; and I think "what would of happened if I remained close friends with you or what would have happened if I didn't." I don't so much have regrets in my life but there a couple things I would change if I was given the chance. I would try to keep more of my friends close. I feel like I have pushed them away because I thought I didn't fit in or that I wasn't good enough. If you were to look at my facebook page it may seem that I have a lot of friends but most of them I do not talk to in person although I would love to talk to some of them again. There are people in my life that I miss but don't feel comfortable reaching out to because of fear that maybe they didn't really like me in the first place.

I really miss my friends from Salsibury but not sure if they would want to see me. I know that people grow and move on but I want some of them back as my friends. I think "what if I had never went away to school, what if I had stayed in the county and never was introduced to those wonderful people that helped me through college." Maybe I am just being a sentimental sap but this is what I want.

I want to be able to have a girls night out with my friends or a girls weekend getaway and have old friends meet new friends and have everyone get along.  I have to move on and make new friends and met new people. I do miss all the people that I no longer talk to but am not sure how to get those friendships back.

These are all the thoughts I don't want my son to have when he gets older. I want him to be able to keep all of his friends and cherish them for who they are and who they will become.


  1. You are such a conscientious mom!

    What I have learned is that we can only do so much. Just love him no matter what and everything will be good :) As long as he KNOWS mom loves him, life will be good. Really.

  2. This particular topic speaks to me personally. I think that as a mother we worry about the "mistakes" that we have made. We don't want our kids to necessarily take the same road as us, but also are greatful for the road that led us to the life that we are currently living.

    As far as friends, there are so many people that I wish I would have drawn in closer and people that I wish that I would have just let go much earlier in life. However, I am greatful for the lessons that I have learned.

    You are a great person, a great mom for thinking this way. Good for you.

    And, I'm in the area, and I really have always thought you were a pretty great person, so if you ever wanna hang out... I'd love to see you!

  3. And this is why I love having you as a friend. I wish we saw each other more often and certainly talked more often. We had a blast back in the day and I often think about those days..... I hope Kate finds a friend like you when she goes off to college, though maybe not have quite as much fun:).