Where is the time going

I just don't understand where the time goes. we have less than 2 weeks until Christmas, and I have less than 2 months until my baby girl is born. I am so not ready for either and I don't feel like there is enough time in the day to get it all done.

Potty training is going ok, but Zach will not tell us that he needs to go so its still taking him to the potty whenever I remember to do it. I could probably do better in that department.

Most nights when I get home from work I don't want to do anything other than sit down and relax, but there is still so much that needs to be done. My ankles are swollen and look like I don't have them anymore. I feel like baby girl is just positioned right on my bladder so I constently have to use the potty. If I drink water to try to help with the swelling then I should just take my laptop in the bathroom with me and sit there because I will be getting up every 5 minutes or less to use the potty. It really is horrible.

On the good side, hubby did finish painting our kitchen and that looks awesome, well as awesome as a small galley kitchen can look. We are hoping to eventually be able to rent our townhome and move into a bigger house, but I guess we should make our townhome presentable first.

I guess I just feel overwhelmed and that there is not enough time in the day to get it all done. But somehow we manage. How will this work when we have two kids and when I want to start going to the gym, because lord knows that I need to work some of this fat off my body. But I just don't see there being any time for me to go do what will need to be done. Maybe I should take up running and get a double stroller and take the kids with me. Any thoughts on that?

Potty training thoughts...

Anyone have any ideas to help me get Zach interested in using the potty. We would really like him to be somewhat potty trained before Amelia arrives. The problem being is that I really don't want to force him, but I do want to nudge him in that direction. He has used the potty twice now in the past two days and we only started trying 3 days ago so we are making some progress.

My daycare provider is awesome. She cheers him on and gives him big boy stickers when he does it. She has such a positive attitude I am happy she is part of our lives and even happier that I now know she will be able to take Amelia. We were a little worried at first, but she will have that infant opening so I am extremely happy that I will not have to be looking for another women that will treat my kids as well as she does.

So if any of you parents that have gone through this whole potty training mess have advice for me please send it on over it is greatly appreciated. I cannot wait for him to be out of diapers. Especially because he doesn't want me to change them anymore.

Our Little Girl!

So its been awhile. Thought I should at least post one entry before I skipped the month of September.

We found out that we are having a little girl and could not be more excited. Although I am a little nervous too. I just don't picture myself doing girl things. Like doing hair and teaching makeup later in life. Dealing with clothes and boy problems. At least I know I have some time before all of that begins.

I look at Zach now and just think what a wonderful big brother he will make. Of course they will fight, what siblings don't fight. But my little boy seems to be very caring when it comes to people's feelings. Maybe its just a phase but I like to think that he will be that sweet to most people.

I just want to add that I absolutley love being a mother. Its the one thing I am good at. I can't think of anything else that I am really good at doing, but being a mother is just something that I love and I want to do the best I can.

One sleeping bag, one pillow, and one blanket...

and we have a new bed for Zach. He doesn't stay in his bed all night and while I don't mind him coming into our room to sleep its getting harder trying to sleep with him in our bed. My belly is growing and I now have my maternity pillow that takes up half the bed. So last night I decided that I was going to lay out my sleeping bag, put a pillow in the floor and then an extra blanket (didn't think Zach would actually get into the sleeping bag). And to my suprise, I woke up to go pee (already happens more than I would like) and Zach was sleeping on the floor on the bed I made for him. Although he was sideways and his head was actually underneath my bed and not on the pillows. So after my potty run I picked him up and laid his head on the pillows and there he stayed all night long (well maybe not on the pillows).

So the first morning, after sleeping on the makeshift bed, he woke up a little after six and asked "where Kenny (aka Kenna from day care) at." I had to laugh. I guess because he naps with Kenna in the room and I think they sleep on the floor in there he automatically assumed he was at day care and he woke up ready to play. I had to explain to him that he was still at home and would see "Kenny" later when we went to day care. He merrily replied "ok."

So all in all this bed has worked out for one night, lets see if it will continue. Maybe he will get tired of sleeping on the floor and then stay in his bed all night. One can dream, right?

August Already

I cannot believe that it is August already. Where is this year going? I feel like as I get older the years go by faster, how is that fair.

On another note, we had a good ending to July. We went on a three night camping trip, which at first we thought might not be to good because we had to set a tent up on gravel (not the most comfortable, don't know why they don't have grass anywhere). But we made it work and it ended up being a fabulous weekend. I wish I had pulled my camera out, but I never even really thought about it. Zach had a couple firsts this weekend. He was stung by a bee, he didn't seem to understand why this bug had hurt him. Good news, he is not allergic. He no longer has to cling to me while in the pool with his float on. He said Chirs, yay, now I just have to get him to say uncle, and he was actually happy to be home when we saw the house on Sunday he was excited and yelled "KIIIIIT."

I also enjoyed seeing all my friends that went camping as well. I still didn't get to spend much time with them. They were so nice though, we had more than one offer to stay in the RVs if we ended up being uncomfortable in the tent, and they all took to Zach really well. I have a good little boy. He is just fun loving and is sweet most of the time. He seems to only show his rotten side to mommy and daddy.

One more month and then we leave for South Carolina. I can't wait for vacation, but I still want time to slow down just a little bit. I want to enjoy every moment I have with Zach. I love that little man more than I ever thought was possible.

12 weeks

I am 12 weeks pregnant today. I just hope that means I will get some of my energy back.

I am also really looking forward to finding out the gender of Poppet this time around. I think it will be fun finding out early. If we decide to have a third at least then I can decide which way I want to go because I have done both.

I told Jesse that if we end up with a girl this time I want to have a yardsale to get rid of some of the stuff we have. We have at least 3, probably more, big totes full of clothes for Zach. But on the other hand if we have a boy we are all set with clothes especially because its the same time of year.

My promise

I want to make a promise to my children. Whenever possible I will be there for you. I will be there as your shoulder to cry on, your answer to questions, your help with math homework (well this might be dad), and anything else you need. I will hold you tight when you have a been hurt, I will rock you to sleep if needed. As your mother it is my responsibility to love you regardless and I will let you know now that you will not be getting rid of me easily.

When I made the decision to have kids, I feel like I also made the decision that no matter what my children would come first in my life. Mommy will go without if there is something that you need and we can provide it for you.

So all of this is coming from Casey Anthony. I really have no clue if she is guilty or not, but something was wrong with that situation. She was not there to care for her little girl and it was her responsibility to do so. How can someone go out and party when they don't even know where their child is. Maybe she believed she was safe with a sitter, but I seriously doubt that one. It just makes no sense in my eyes.

So again, to Zachary, Poppet, and anymore children that I may have. I promise to love you for the rest of your lives because my love won't end even when I pass.

Making it through the day

Weekends are great, Zach naps and mommy naps with him. Weekdays not so good. Mommy needs a nap but can't take one at work (how bad would that be). But Zach gets a nap so he is full of energy when mommy picks him up. This first trimester is really doing a number on me. Hopefully it will better during the second.

This weekend was fun. We went to a birthday party on Saturday and on Sunday stayed at home and filled up Zach's pool. He had a ball, I went to pull out the video camera and found out it was already dead. It is now charging at home. So hopefully we will be able to capture some video this week. I love how Zach motivates me to want to do more. And just think now with a second on the way I should have that much more motivation.

This is from camping the other weekend. It was loads of fun. Looking forward to going at the end of July.

On another note. I know that people drift apart, but why do I feel like crap when it happens. Sometimes you just realize that you don't have much in common with people anymore or that they just don't get you anymore. Maybe its that they really don't care or didn't care in the first place. I guess sometimes I just feel like I tried my best but in the end it didn't end up working out. I just thought that I was a bigger part of their life and come to find out I am barely a part of their life at all.

HTML

Anyone know HTML so that I can make my blog look better. I have no clue how to write it. I guess I just need to get a book and then I should be able to figure it out. Only 5 more days until my first appointment for the baby and I cannot wait.

Hopefully this weekend will fly by (that sounds odd) so that it will get here faster. Zach has a birthday party to go and then we might be going to a baseball game. Sunday will be our day of rest, which actually means, laundry and cleaning, but still I don't think I have to leave the house on Sunday.

Dear Poppet

Please stop making me feel so sick. I know you are just letting me know that you are in there and you don't want me to forget but don't worry I won't forget. I already love you so you don't have to prove your in there.

I guess its a good thing that you like fruits and veggies more than you like sweets but even the smell of lasagna is making me sick so what do I do? What am I allowed to eat? I could afford to lose a few lbs or more but that wasn't my goal during pregnancy.

Love always,
Your mom

Things that make you go

running for the trashcan or the nearest bathroom. So my big news. I am 7 weeks pregnant and this new baby, lets call the baby Poppet (I just like the word), has me feeling sick all morning long. Its so funny how things work out. With Zach I was not sick one day, well that is until after I had him, but thats another story. So I figured this would be the same, guess I was wrong. I know that every pregnancy is different and it has nothing to do with the gender of the baby, but still I am going to hold out some hopes for a little girl. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have another handsome baby boy, then Zach would have a best friend for life. They wouldn't even be three years apart so either they would fight like the dickens or they would be the greatest friends. I can pretty much gaurentee that if I have a little girl that Zach will love her but whos to say that they would be friends. I know my brother and I weren't exactly friends until we became older. I still don't think that my brother and I have hugged to this day. I know he loves me and I love him but thats just our relationship, it works for us. Plus, my brother is, well, my brother, and he has his very own personality.

Our Poppet is due on 3 February, there goes my chances for having an outdoor party. But we are so excited. I can't wait to be a mom again. I love being a mom. Its the best feeling in the world. I also think Zach will be the best big brother. He is so good with babies at daycare. I know there will be hard times but all in all I think he will do well.

Now if I could only get him potty trained and out of diapers by that time. I guess that will be my goal. Have Zach potty trained before Poppet arrives. Any advice would be great.

Although I am super excited about having Poppet I am also scared but I think that is pretty normal. Some people think I should of waited because I haven't had enough time with Zach others think I waited too long. I guess I will not be able to please everyone but I shouldn't have to worry about pleasing everyone anyway. People are allowed their opinions, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them. I think this is the right course for us and that is what matters. I am also hoping to have at least one more child after this (hmm maybe I should let Jesse know).

Not sure how to name this

I do not understand some men. They have a wonderful woman who is willing to put up with all their BS and then have the nerve to treat that same woman like crap.  Or they just don't realize what they had when they had it and then years later try to see if there is anything left. That makes me angry. Appreciate what you have while you have it because if you don't it won't be there when you need it or want it. Thankfully not all women will put up with this.

People need to understand that life is not easy. But life is good. The things that make life great are the things that we have to work for (i.e., relationships) and they are more than worth the fight.

Anyway. I took Zach to the circus last night and he had so much fun. I had three others there to help me keep him in line. Of course he wanted everything and of course I got him what he wanted. I need to learn to say no. But I don't like screaming Zach. I like laughing through snorts Zach. He is a kid that just enjoys everything. He doesn't ever want to sit still and he is fearless (which scares mommy). He rode the ponies last night and wanted to ride the elephants and camel but he still doesn't want to hold on so I can't let him ride the camel by himself. The elephant we ran out of time or else I probably would have gotten on that with him. Both of us missed Daddy though. He ended up having to work and couldn't make it.

I want to take Zach for a weekend trip to the beach soon. He loves the water. Hopefully I can plan something. I love taking Zach places that I know he will love. We took him to the Zoo not long ago and he had a blast. He loves the animals, especially the monkies. I show him the pictures from the zoo and he gets very excited. I came up with a plan to visit all of the Zoos in the United States. But not sure if that is going to work out. I think it would be great to say that we did that. Then Zach can say "hey i have been there with my mom and dad it was fun." There are quite a few zoos in the US though. I think we might just stick to the major zoos. I also want to take him to SeaWorld soon. That is sort of for me as well because I have never been. I want to be able to "suck the marrow of life" to steal someone elses phrase. I want to enjoy and I want to have fun in everything that i do even if its not so fun to begin with. Thank you Zach for making mommy see that life is fun even when the chores don't seem that way.

Ideas

So I am on a healthy lifestyle journey (don't want to call it weight loss because I want to stick with it) and I need food ideas. I want to eat mainly non-processed foods, although some I cannot avoid. If you read my blog send me a message if you have any ideas. I like food so I need variety in my life.

I have also been doing a Jillian Michaels DVD called 30 Day Shred, I am on day 13 and I think I have lost 1lbs but will stick with it and then I want to move onto the Ripped in 30. At least the Ripped in 30 comes with a diet plan.

I need to feel comfortable in my own body again so any ideas would be helpful. Maybe I should try the Biggest Loser Protein that you just add to your water. Maybe this would curve my appetite. I really don't want to take any suppliments or magic pills but I guess protein would be ok.

The worse part is that I don't see how I didn't realize how big I had actually gotten and then other people say, well your not fat. Bullsh*it! I am fat and I need to admit it so that I can lose the weight. I have about 80lbs to lose to get to comfortable/healthy weight. I know its not going to happen overnight but I hope to lose at least 40 by the end of the year. One day I will be brave enought to post pictures of myself but not today.

I think I can do this though. I haven't smoked in over 2 months so losing weight should be easy right? Wish me luck.

What if's

Being a mother has got me thinking about my past and thinking about the things I want for my son in the future. I don't want him to ever feel left out or feel like he doesn't fit in and I want to give him every opportunity to become a good student, a good friend, and an overall well rounded man. So when I think about this I also start to think about the "what ifs."

My husband and I are now happily mattered and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I still think sometimes "what if we had never met, what if the couple times we took a break during our 8-year courtship we decided not to give it another try."Would I be as happy as I am right now, would I be a different, would I live in MD, would I have gone off and gotten my Masters in Marketing Communications in Chicago. I hate thinking about the what ifs but I do. I guess its normal to think that way.

I talked to hubby about this post and he started singing "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her." I guess in a way its the same thing but I am not so much wishing that things were different just trying to figure out how life would be if I had made different choices.

I look at all my friends that I have had throughout my life the ones I still talk to and the ones I don't; and I think "what would of happened if I remained close friends with you or what would have happened if I didn't." I don't so much have regrets in my life but there a couple things I would change if I was given the chance. I would try to keep more of my friends close. I feel like I have pushed them away because I thought I didn't fit in or that I wasn't good enough. If you were to look at my facebook page it may seem that I have a lot of friends but most of them I do not talk to in person although I would love to talk to some of them again. There are people in my life that I miss but don't feel comfortable reaching out to because of fear that maybe they didn't really like me in the first place.

I really miss my friends from Salsibury but not sure if they would want to see me. I know that people grow and move on but I want some of them back as my friends. I think "what if I had never went away to school, what if I had stayed in the county and never was introduced to those wonderful people that helped me through college." Maybe I am just being a sentimental sap but this is what I want.

I want to be able to have a girls night out with my friends or a girls weekend getaway and have old friends meet new friends and have everyone get along.  I have to move on and make new friends and met new people. I do miss all the people that I no longer talk to but am not sure how to get those friendships back.

These are all the thoughts I don't want my son to have when he gets older. I want him to be able to keep all of his friends and cherish them for who they are and who they will become.

4:44am

Why does my son feel the need to come wake me up at 4:44am and proceed to climb all over me while leaving his daddy alone the entire time. Is it just a mommy thing. I tell him to go back to sleep and defiantly he tell me NO. Then kicks the dog off the bed and screams at me when I get up to use the potty.

For the past week (excluding sunday) I have gotten up in the morning and worked out with Jillian Michaels for 20-25 minutes give or take. I started her 30 day shred video. It is really hard. This morning I did not want to work out. It is now day one of week 2 and apparently this is the hardest week so I need to push through so that it becomes easier. Another reason I was probably tired this morning was I decided to throw in a p90x video last night. The cardio on p90x is a pain. Well the actual cardio moves aren't bad but the yoga that he begins with amazes me. My body doesn't move that way. Maybe one day it will.

After I started this new work out routine a group of people on myfitnesspal.com got together and started a 12 week biggest loser contest. My weigh in day is Saturday so today I am going to be bad and have half a steak and cheese sub. Looks like I will be doing another p90x video to burn the calories i eat at lunch. Wish me luck.

I would also like to say Happy Birthday to my amazing friend Mandy. I love her and she makes me laugh. So heres to Mandy on her 30th birthday hope it is an amazing day. Make it count.

Old Soul

I have been told by more than one person in my life that I act older than I am. Not really sure what that means except I would imagine that the people that have told me this think I’m boring and that is a nice way of telling me. Although my brother isn’t nice about it at all he came right out one day and just said you know you are boring. I think we were talking about going to a party or something and I didn’t really want to go. I on the other hand like to think that I have an “old soul.” I like having fun. Going out and having dinner and drinks with friends, having people over the house to play games (card or board), having outings at the beach or the park, and just enjoying other people’s company are all fun activities to me.

Maybe my definition isn’t the best. According to the urban dictionary an “old soul” is:

A spiritual person whom is wise beyond their years; people of strong emotional stability. Basically, someone whom has more understanding of the world around them.

Some people even believe an old soul is a person whom has learned from past incarnations, or lives. They acquired certain knowledge from their past lives and apply it to their present life... thus gaining more wisdom than the average bloke.

I don’t think I am wise beyond my years or that I have been reincarnated from a monk. Actually when I was in grade school the Quija board told me I was a mole in my past life. How about that, I was one of those tiny little animals that my dog chases in the yard. I don’t believe that I have answers that others don’t and I am not even sure if I would want them. I don’t have a great understanding of the world and how it revolves. All I know is that I wake up every morning and make it through the day with the grace of God and hope that he will give me another one to enjoy.

Guess I have to think of a new way of describing myself. Any one have any ideas? But until then I will stick with my own version of “old soul.”

I like laid-back situations where I don’t have to get plastered to have fun but I am not stuck in a library with a book in my face. Although, now that I have a kindle I have a book in my face more than not or at least a kindle in my face. I like Paul Simon, Pride and Prejudice, Michael Jackson (before all the nose jobs). I like having inside jokes that no one else understands and still wouldn’t even if we let them in on it. I love my family and friends with a force that I don’t even understand. But I also don’t feel that I have friends that love me the same way. I know I probably do, but I tend to look down on myself and the way that others see me.

I want to bring back the dresses that women wore in “Gone with the Wind” I want men to be chivalrous. I want people to respect their elders. I want to be able to stay home with my kids (I know some women have this). I don’t want to be judged because I do something different from my friends. I want to be loved and respected.

I want to have friends that even if we don’t talk on a daily basis will make plans at least once a month to go out and catch up on the comings and goings of everyone’s lives. I miss my friends from college and I doubt I will ever talk to them again except for one who I really need to make the 2-hour drive to see. I miss her and think she is awesome.

The more I describe myself maybe “old soul” isn’t the right description maybe I am just “old school.”

The beginning

This is my first attempt at a blog. We will see how it goes. I will not be focusing on any one topic with my blog it will be my life in general. I will start with the basics. But hopefully life will be better after 30.

I love my life and overall I am very happy with the way things have turned out. I am 29, married, and have one son (hopefully more soon). I still live in close proximaty to the rest of my family. They are all supportive and crazy but they are mine and I love them. It has been a month and a half sense my last smoke and I am now going to try to loose the extra weight that I have carried all of my life. I have never been one to do things for myself. I have done things because people tell me I should and I am tired of living that way. I want to be happy with myself and by quitting smoking (on my own terms) I have come to the realization that it is possible.

I have an issue with never being able to stick with anything either. I start a weight lose journey and then give up I start a cross stich blanket for my son (still haven't finished). I find things I enjoy but them give them up because it takes time away from my husband and I feel guilty. Not that my husband minds he is content with video games and just being a home body. In a way I am a home body as well but I still like to get out and have fun and I don't feel like I have been able to do that as of late. Looks like that is another goal I have.

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

Hopefully I will be able to live up to this quote because I don't want to give up anymore.